Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
