While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
