I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
