ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
