I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
