I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
