I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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