nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
