handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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