you traded sex for a burrito?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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