just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
