I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
