We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
