dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
