I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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