im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
