I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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