why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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