just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
