i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
