it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
