im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
