She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize