There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
