I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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