I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
