She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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