Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
