I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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