i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
