just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You pole danced in your parka.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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