So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
