walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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