Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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