I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
