Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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