You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
