your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
