My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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