We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
