I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
