his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
