i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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