So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
