hotel room ftw
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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