you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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