He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
