Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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