I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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