You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
