i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
