Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
