You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think I just sharted jello shots
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
