Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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