There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
