My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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