we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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