Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
