I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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