you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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