THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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