Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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