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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
