He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
