Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
