I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
