Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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