he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
