Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
