Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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