My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pants are for mortals
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize