Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
