Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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