gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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