I showed him my bush... on skype.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
