i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
