Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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