I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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