new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
