she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize