he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
