weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i think i just lost a toe
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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