she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
