pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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