Plan B is the new Plan A
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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