It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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