So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
third nipple confirmed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
