Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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