If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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