Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
