did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
