wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
