This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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