my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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