Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's intense
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
