I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
