that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
