i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
