So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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