Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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