the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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