i think i have two assholes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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