It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
do nipples grow back?
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