Fuck appropriateness.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
