There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
