Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
