Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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