i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize