Do vagina's smell?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
