just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Redeem this text for a blowjob
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
