32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
