think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
