I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
