im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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