are you still at the devil's house?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The air was thick with penises
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
