I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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