OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
