You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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