I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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