Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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