I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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